At Long Last!!!!!!!!!

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Ladies and Gentlemen, today the Earth stood still. Of course it didn’t literally, but the official announcement issued by the Prince’s Palace in Monaco a few hours ago seemed just as unlikely for those of us who’ve monitored and scrutinized the current Prince and Princess of Monaco’s now almost three year marriage as our planet suddenly ceasing to spin on its axis. Princess Charlene is pregnant! According to ABC.com, it’s rumored she’s three months pregnant to be precise. The circumstances under which Her Serene Highness conceived, or whether or not Prince Albert is the child’s biological father, are completely irrelevant! All that matters is that Princess Charlene’s ovaries are finally fulfilling their most constitutionally important task, and the horrible prospect of Andrea Casiraghi one day inheriting the Monegasque throne has been dashed to pieces!

This is not to imply that the author has a low estimation of Mr. Casiraghi’s character. He certainly hasn’t inherited his father’s alleged penchant for criminal activity and acquaintances that may have led to the dearly departed Stefano Casiraghi being murdered. On the contrary, Princess Caroline’s oldest son seems like a nice, fairly intelligent, down to earth young man. Unfortunately, however, a great deal more is required in order to be a successful ruler of a country that is basically the world’s only politically sovereign real estate and gambling conglomerate, and a newly acquired Colombian heiress wife and recently legitimated son aren’t enough to make a capable ruling prince out of an unremittingly mangy young man who frequently looks inebriated or worse. Andrea is currently enrolled at a prestigious business school in Barcelona. Hopefully the degree he obtains after his current course of study, which will be his third to date, will inspire him to pursue a long term professional endeavor that is more productive and fulfilling for him than that of a career student and long term, much speculated about Euro trash party boy.

The birth of Albert and Charlene’s child also means that Prince Rainier’s 2002 provisional amendment to Monaco’s constitution, which granted continued succession rights to his daughters and their legitimate children as long as their brother remained without a legit heir of his own, will begin its decline toward redundancy. The amendment, after all, states that once Albert’s heir ascends the throne, the new sovereign prince or princess’ aunts and cousins will automatically lose their succession rights. Prior to 2002, the Monegasque constitution clearly stated that only the legitimate children of the currently ruling sovereign could be heirs to the throne. While Rainier’s amendment now allows for siblings of the sovereign, and the legitimate issue of said siblings, to be included in the line of succession, Caroline and Stephanie will lose their succession rights once Albert dies or abdicates, his son or daughter succeeds him, and his sisters become the aunts of the new sovereign, as opposed to being his or her sisters. At that time their born in wedlock, or legitimated through wedlock, descendants will lose their succession rights as well.

This recent development in the ongoing Grimaldi family melodrama leads one to speculate what Prince Albert’s unborn child’s dearest aunty Caroline, or perhaps aunty dearest is the more correct terminology, thinks about her family’s soon to be newest edition. After all, it was rumored back in the late 80’s that Princess Caroline and her second husband, Stefano Casiraghi, attempted to talk her father into disinheriting Albert for their oldest son, at a time when Rainier lll was openly contemplating abdicating his throne, and that Prince Rainier had to virtually threaten Caroline with disinheritance in order to convince her to cease her plotting. Although Princess Caroline, whose Serene Highness title was upgraded to Royal Highness when she married her now estranged third husband, Prince Ernest August IV of Hanover, has never made a secret in public and in interviews of her lack of enthusiasm for the responsibilities of her position, and would’ve undoubtedly abdicated in favor of her oldest son had she inherited the throne, she’s also rumored to have made it no secret in private that she relishes the idea of all future Monegasque sovereigns being her direct descendants. Now that this alleged ambition is seemingly forever beyond her reach, one wonders if Her Royal Highness will resort to any Machiavellian like tactics in order to resolve this quagmire in her favor. Perhaps it’s best if this child avoid any presents from their oldest aunt of a perishable nature, such as apples, candy, cakes, or for that matter food items of any sort!
Needless to write, the author is just poking fun at Monaco’s soon to be former provisional heiress apparent, and is more than sure that she poses no physical threat to her future niece/nephew.

The author also can’t help but contemplate one of the most prevalent rumors that was making the rounds at the time of Albert ll and Princess Charlene’s wedding, that being that once Charlene furnished her prince with a child, he’d give her back her South African passport and she would be free to divorce him and escape his principality once and for all. Although more than a few Monte Carlo residents believed this story at the time, the conventional wisdom now is that Princess Grace’s posthumous daughter-in-law has since settled into her life of semi-royal luxury, and is in her marriage for the long haul. The fact that she would undoubtedly lose all custody of her child in the event of a divorce, and that her immediate family have all since moved to Monaco and are rumored to have enriched themselves as influence peddlers, also makes it doubtful that Her Serene Highness will flee in the night once her child is born.

Alas, after having posted many an article concerning the barren nature of Albert and Charlene’s marriage, the author is happy to eat his words!!!!! He’s truly thrilled that at long last they will provide Monaco with a legitimate heir!!!!!!! The Prince and Princess of Monaco may not have the most normal or healthy of marriages, and who knows how this child’s going to turn out, but all that matters is that the birth of Monaco’s future ruler will insure that the Grimaldi dynasty’s 800 year regal legacy of extreme and deliciously entertaining family dysfunction shall continue!!!!!!! Long Live the Grimaldis!!!!!!